Thursday, April 17, 2008

I'm really confused

after I graduated from high school having a boyfriend is out of my mind. I don't care if someone fall in love with me or the other way around. Besides I survived high school without those hearts and roses flying around. But somehow, I was surprised when one of my friend told me that he loved me. I never thought he liked me! because before, I cried everytime I missed him. Well, as a matter of fact, because it was my first time to have a boyfriend I freak out evrytime he was busy in school, and honestly, and just recently I finally accepted the fact that he really avoided me that time. Well, I have strong personality but the truth is I have lots of fears inside me. As it turned out I become obssess with him. and without a month he broke up with me. it was so painful that it made me numb for two years. I cast every man who shows interest in me. I isolate myself from the people who are willing to understand and accept me. and what really amazed me after all these years is the fact that the pain will never go away, it will always be there. it seems like there is a thread that everytime I reminiscence the past that thread will break and strike my heart again. but I'm moving on. Just this month, I allow myself to feel what love is, how its feels like to be loved in return. I just hope that will one will last, maybe not for a lifetime but for the considerable time to make myself alive again....